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Adolescents' self-esteem: How can I make my teenager more confident?


How can I make my teenager more confident?

Create a sense of confidence in your teen.

The teen hides deep sensitivity as well as great vulnerability towards and reactions to others. In adolescence, children feel that they can no longer trust old concepts and ideas.

He also could not rely on the image he had of himself, because he was in a process of constant change.

If he remains without standards, he loses confidence in himself and in others. So you should help him reassure himself, by showing that he can count on you, that you remain reliable and that you are always convinced of his worth.


Also, having a fair and flexible system helps the teen to develop a sense of confidence.

This system must be democratic in nature, that is, it must clearly define boundaries while encouraging negotiation and dialogue.

Its implementation allows the teen to develop and strengthen a sense of inner security.

Even if you strive to be a reliable parent and even if you have established this kind of discipline, there may be times when your little boy lacks self-confidence.

He lives through many changes and experiences a lot of stress, reaching a point where he is no longer able to find inner peace.

In these circumstances, you can help him recognize the effects of stress on him and find personal ways to deal with it.

As you become aware of the pressures that school, family, and society place on them, you will become more understanding of them and take their reactions dried up with more philosophy.

The teenager must feel that his parents trust him.

Self-confidence as a person:

 Confidence is contagious. In order to pass it on to their teenager, the parent must feel this trust themselves, first as a person and then as a parent. This attitude is based on one's self-esteem, on one's sense of self-worth.

Check your self-confidence level

Check your self-confidence level by asking yourself the following questions:

  • am I satisfied with my health?
  • am I satisfied with my physical appearance?
  • am I skilled in certain sports?
  • do I have some manual skills?
  • do I have good reasoning skills?
  • I am appreciated by my friends?
  • I like to try new things?
  • I know how to cope with difficulties?
  • am I in a happy and pleasant mood?
  • am I able to manage my stress?

Self-confidence grows at any point in life. It is associated with an attachment relationship and it is built by internalizing pleasant experiences during which one has demonstrated qualities, talents and relational skills.

Self-confidence as a parent is first and foremost based on a sense of personal confidence as an adult.

Self-confidence as a parent:

It is important to assess as objectively as possible your attitudes and educational actions towards your teenager, as well as the care you provide to him.

Check your level of confidence as a parent by asking yourself the following questions:

  • I understand the various needs of my teenager?
  • I help him manage his stress?
  • I listen to his feelings, ideas and opinions?
  • I promote their autonomy?
  • I help him in his initiatives?
  • I highlight his efforts and his successes?

  • I promote its socialization?

The confidence you have in yourself as a parent is conditioned by the experiences you have had with your child since birth.

Some were very happy while others were difficult.
As a parent, everyone recognizes strengths that have helped the child's development in previous years.

It is these strengths that become the foundation of self-confidence as a parent and that provide self-confidence in the education of the adolescent.

A teenager's sense of trust in his parents does not appear by magic. It grows day by day and only manifests itself when parents are reliable in their daily actions.

Confidence is born from reliability.

  • I keep the promises I make to my teenager?
  • I myself live the values ​​that I transmit to him?
  • am I in an even mood?
  • my discipline at home is influenced by my moods?
  • I arrive on time for my appointments?
  • am I sure of my decisions?
  • I persevere in my decisions despite the difficulties?
  • I keep my ideas despite external pressures?
  • am I finishing what I started?
  • I keep my promises on time?

How can I help my teenager gain more self-confidence?

Here are some key principles to follow because they can help your child maintain or gain confidence in himself.


  • protecting it too much or controlling it improperly;
  • have unrealistic expectations of them. We must especially help him ...
  • to be less dependent on you.
  • to live a variety of experiences.
  • to make choices while being aware of the positive and negative consequences that result from them.
  • accept your mistakes and see them as opportunities to grow.

The adolescent must participate in the development of the rules that concern him:

All parents expect their adolescent to have greater and greater control over his behavior, behavior and attitudes.

The self-disciplined adolescent is one who was encouraged early on to be independent and who continues to be guided and encouraged in his personal initiatives.

Every family must define precise rules of conduct to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts, and also to determine the rights and privileges of each.
These rules are essential tools for maintaining family harmony.

Clear rules:

The rules make it possible to convey clear educational values. These include, for example, self-respect, respect for others, tolerance for differences, mutual understanding, etc.

Concrete rules:

Family rules must be established according to the concrete behaviors you want. Behavior is called concrete when it can be observed and measured.

Constant rules:

 The application of the rules should not vary according to the mood or whim of the adult or the young person.
In addition, it is important to offer young people a real margin of freedom within a living environment whose possibilities and limits are clearly established, stable and constant.

This type of family support secures the young person and allows him to perceive his parents as predictable, reliable and trustworthy beings.

Consistent rules:

All adolescents have a tendency to break the rules to varying degrees. It is important that they take responsibility for the consequences that result from their wrongdoing.

To do this, clear rules and logical sanctions must be established. These rules and sanctions must be based on common sense. It is good that all family members discuss and accept them.

A logical sanction is naturally linked to the behavior of an individual or group, and it highlights the result of a particular act or behavior.

Consistent rules:

To be consistent is to set an example. The coherent adult himself respects the rules he prefers.

He acts according to the values ​​he wants to convey to the teenager. By witnessing by example, he inspires confidence.

• I understand the various needs of my teenager?

I help him manage his stress?

• I listen to his feelings, ideas and opinions?

• I promote their autonomy?

• I help him in his initiatives?

• I highlight his efforts and his successes?

• I promote its socialization?

The relationship between self-esteem and socio-psychological status.

Socio-psychological status is a concept that denotes a person's position in the system of interpersonal relations and the measure of his psychological influence on group members.

Social perception is an area of ​​socio-psychological research, which studies the processes and mechanisms of perception and assessment by people of various social objects, events, and other people.

Low status is the "invisible" role of the subject in interpersonal relations; the personality has no influence or has little influence on the dynamics of relations in the group.

High status is a significant position in the group and an active influence on the dynamics of relations in the group.

The well-known tendency of adolescents to grouping and a kind, often rigid, intragroup status differentiation inherent not only in informal groups, but also in the school class, makes it necessary to consider the relationship between the adolescent's self-esteem and his socio-psychological status.

The data of a number of studies by Russian psychologists show the presence of this relationship, which, first of all, positively correlates with the level characteristic of adolescents' self-esteem.

Ya.L. Kolominsky (1976) established a number of interesting patterns of social perception in adolescents:

  • a tendency to overestimated self-esteem of sociometric status among low-status students and to understated among high- status students ;
  • egocentric leveling - the tendency to ascribe status to other members of the group either equal or lower;
  • retrospective optimization - the tendency to more favorably assess their status in the previous groups.

Subsequent studies in this area confirm the influence of the characteristics of adolescent self-esteem on his socio-psychological status in the classroom: the more critical the adolescent is of himself and the higher his self-esteem, the higher his positive sociometric status.

And further, the higher the self-esteem and the higher the level of aspirations, the lower the positive sociometric status or the higher the negative status, depending on the behavioral characteristics of a person, manifested in relation to the group: those inclined to rational conformism fall into the group of "neglected", those inclined to nonconformism fall into the "rejected" group.

Some authors find the reason for this dependence in the growing criticality of adolescents towards themselves. At the same time, they point out that the adolescent's misconception of his position in the team is often one of the main reasons for the emergence of conflict situations.

A deviation in the adequacy of the adolescent's awareness of his position in the team, both in the direction of overestimation and in the direction of underestimation, can lead to undesirable results.

If, for example, a student overestimates his position, then he, as a rule, has a negative attitude towards his comrades, showing disdain, while underestimation leads to the emergence of uncertainty, alienation in the adolescent.


How do you motivate a teenager in school? 

How Do I Motivate My Teen?

pubmed 2

DUCLOS, Germain. L’estime de soi, un passeport pour la vie. Montréal: Éditions de l’Hôpital Sainte-Justine, 2000. 117 p.


ACKER, Vincent. Ados, comment les motiver: la méthode Gordon appliquée à la motivation scolaire. Alleur: Marabout, 2000. 279 p.

Duclos, Germain L’estime de soi des adolescents