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Adolescent crisis; For our adolescents, let's be adults


 Adolescent crisis; For our adolescents, let's be adults

Understanding and supporting the adolescent

Your child is no longer a child ... and not yet an adult ...

Here comes the time of adolescence ... everything is not quite as before: you have to take a step back to understand certain behaviors that can confuse you ...

You are quite

Scenario A: furious, the father climbs the stairs 4 to 4 and admonishes Quentin: “ we've been calling you four times… you get down right away… that's how it is… you don't argue… it doesn't is no longer possible… think about   your studies… ” and the father unplugging the socket… screams and slamming the door.

Scenario B: the mother goes up to the bedroom, and sits calmly on the bed… “my darling, please us, come down when we call you… if you really love us, come down when we call you… look, we have found you places for football, league 1… show us that you are grateful… ”

Scenario C: the father sends an SMS which fits into the Fortnite game to which Quentin is diligent “ half time… stop for the break . What is going on ? So you can't get away from the screen… we have to talk about it again… family is as important as avatars… ”

Keys to understanding adolescents

To better interact with your teenager and avoid family conflicts, let's start by trying to better understand what he is going through.

Let us remember that he must carry out real works of Hercules!

Mourning childhood, integrating spectacular somatic transformations (growth, sexualization…), having personal concerns and opinions different from those of one's parents… and facing the first emotions are the tasks incumbent on him. And who will mobilize it. A whole program around three major processes.

Teenager side


  • Separate psychologically, take a step back, give up infantile modes of exchange, "take off" (without throwing the baby out with the bathwater).

  • The teenager must withdraw from a touch-based relationship, like the post-it that you take off - glue back on.

  • The adolescent is confronted with the need to assert his autonomy and the fear of losing his support. He can refuse the help of his relatives who would be useful to him to get through these difficult times, for fear of remaining in a state of dependence.

Dilemmas work the adolescent: Fear of both dependence and at the same time to separate: freedom or loss?


  • Assert yourself in your own individuality,
  • stand out from others while accepting differences,
  • take responsibility for their thoughts, words and actions,
  • define themselves as a separate subject but necessarily in connection with those around them,
  • to experience the capacity to be alone, but also “to be with” without feeling threatened by a feeling of abandonment, or conversely, of intrusion.

This is what is termed as the process of separation - individuation  :   self - esteem is crucial to dare this movement towards empowerment ...


  • Integrate into peer groups without giving up family exchanges,
  • expand the ties of belonging without denying the ties of filiation,      
  • adopt other dress, language and behavioral codes without mimicry,
  • engage in relationships, love, sexual in respect of the desire of each,
  • to project oneself and build one's future with others between deep aspirations and the principle of reality.

Parents side

  • Contain without exercising control: ensuring a quality of presence rather than infantilizing control.
  • Try to maintain a bond of trust by accepting in advance the possibility of some deviations.
  • Do not confuse “adolescent transition”, with its hazards, and “adolescent crisis” marked by lasting difficulties.
  • Being available: being there when you need to, without imposing yourself
  • Demonstrate availability and understanding without "making buddy / buddy" (youthism) and denying the difference between generations.

"For our adolescents, let's be adults "